Chapter 3: The Turning Point

I went to the doctor and the number on the scale absolutely devastated me. I knew I was overweight, but when the scale read 340, I was devastated. I knew that something needed to change. I needed to get mental health help and fix the root of these issues. For the first time in years, I had seen a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with ADHD. This was huge for me. Maybe the lack of dopamine was what was missing?! Maybe I used food to get that extra boost. Maybe food was my outlet? This propelled something in me, I knew I needed to change.

I told myself that instead of seeking instant gratification and trying to completely change my life in 2 days, I will start slow. I started with one small step: adding vegetables to every meal I ate. Breakfast? Instead of just eggs- eggs and vegetables. Lunch? Instead of a turkey and cheese sandwich, add some lettuce and tomato in there. Once this became normalized, I added more. I started walking for 10 minutes every day. At the time, it didn’t feel like these things were doing much.

These thoughts had intention, but I just wasn’t ready to take the big leap yet. I wasn’t ready to give up what was hurting me. I was ready to give up this journey and gain the weight back once again.

That’s when I hit rock bottom.

On Christmas day of 2021 is when life changed forever for me. I had taken a break from my health journey at that point. Yeah, I was still eating vegetables and walking every day, and I’m sure I lost some weight in the few months that I tried, but I wasn’t skinny. The results were too slow. So why keep trying when the results weren’t showing?

It was the holiday season, I was ready to let loose. I went to a family party and I got absolutely obliterated. I drank so much alcohol I barely even remember how I got home that night. I was so drunk that I tripped and cut my leg open. It had to have been a 4inch cut and it was really deep. That’s when reality kicked in. I was screaming and crying. How could I be so stupid? Why am I choosing to do this to myself? Why do I hate myself so much that I can’t even take care of myself?

I was so drunk that I couldn’t even take myself to the ER or Urgent Care. I cried myself to sleep and hoped that if I slept for a few hours then I would sober up enough to go to the Urgent Care when I woke up. And that’s exactly what I did. I slept for 3 hours, went to urgent care, and got 18 stitches in my leg. I tried to normalize my life again, the old normal, but that urgency to change was deep in me.

Then, 3 days later, I was diagnosed with COVID-19. I cried in the Urgent Care office. The pandemic was about a year in. We still didn’t know too much about COVID-19 or the long term effects. I knew the news headlines said people that were most at risk to develop seriously health conditions or death from the virus were the elderly, those with preemptive health conditions, and those that were obese. I was in that category. I was terrified. I did not want to be a statistic. It was from that moment on that I knew things seriously needed to change. And I made that promise to myself.