Chapter 4: Choosing the Impossible
I promised myself that I would change. Not to be dramatic, but this was the closest to a “near death” experience that I had come to.
And that made me realize just how much I loved life. That made me realize that I deserved to be loved. Not by anyone else, but by myself. I deserved so much better than what I was giving myself. So I promised myself that I was going to change. I promised myself that this would be the last time I started over this “health journey”. This would be the time that I finally lost the weight and kept it off for good.
I realized that the reason my previous attempts had failed was because I attempted this massive weight loss journey out of a place of hatred. I hated myself and I wanted to look like other people. I wanted to “be prettier, skinnier, and happier”. Why did my weight equate to the amount of happiness and love that I was able to hold within myself? It shouldn’t have. But at the time, it did. And that’s when I knew I needed to completely change my mindset. I needed to do this out of a place of love for myself. Because I deserved better, because I WAS better than this way I had poorly treated myself for my whole life.
Was I scared? Absolutely. Did the fear of failing again run in the back of my mind? Of course it did. Not even in the back of my mind.. That fear haunted me. But I thought to myself, if I believe in other people so much, if I can always treat others with kindness and motivate them to do things they’re afraid of, why can’t I treat myself the same way? So I did.
If the gym is the problem, start outside.
