Chapter 2: The Internal Battle

I couldn’t stick with it. I would push and do great for 2 weeks, and then I would fail, gain it all back, and maybe even more. This was shameful. People would compliment me and say that I looked great when I was starting to lose weight, but that started the spiral. Why was I only viewed as great or pretty when I lost weight? I was still the same person inside. This led to years of depression, anxiety, and shame. This led to emotional eating, binge drinking, making poor choices with my life and education, being in abusive relationships. This led to fear of being around others, periods of inactivity, and the cycle continued. The more I ate and was inactive, the more weight I put on. But it wasn’t as easy as “get up and go to the gym”. I had inner demons that I was battling. And they seemed to be working against me. They seemed to want me to stay this way. They wanted me to give up.

It wasn’t until I finally started living, finally being able to gain confidence and enjoy life, when I lost the weight, that I knew that there was actually more to life and that I had a purpose. Now, I don’t mean to equate weight with happiness, but for me, that was just the reality of it. The world views you differently when you are overweight.